Raising My Twins

It's what's on my mind.

It’s Been Awhile

swimming-preschoolersThe girls have turned 3 and are as sweet as ever…and more challenging than before. It’s become important for me to spend lots of attentive time with them, which leaves me with less time for blogs and projects and cleaning (no tears shed for that).

We had a big Disneyland trip in May, just before the girls turned 3 (because they get in free until 3). It was a blast. Upon our return, Ray Ray had a week of total potty rebellion. She’d pee in her sister’s bed, in our bed, in a box outside…completely deliberately. And then come to me to point it out. Eventually I figured out I had to have no reaction to it, and it was resolved in a week. HOWEVER…

Next started a couple of weeks of pooping in her pants. She’d just refuse to go into the bathroom even though she was walking funny and stinking…and then she’d cry out “poo poo!” only as the lump was forming in her pants. Depressing? Infuriating? Oh yes.

This mama was pretty beside herself. I was calm (inner defeat) for a couple of days and then I really spazzed out one time when she was pantsless and made a pile on the floor. And another. Well, my hitting the roof made the next days even worse…she was completely out of control. I remembered to react “not at all” and further, I sensed that she needed more positive attention from me, so I stopped trying to get things done and spent more time on the floor with both of the girls.

It worked, to a point. She started going to the potty on our good days. But she requires that I pay close, almost obsessive attention to her, or she punishes me with poop accidents. Not reacting to those is ever so important now. She’s an extremely sensitive and (modern euphemism comin’ up) “strong-willed” child, and if things aren’t going according to her plan (and everything MUST go according to her plan) then she will do something rebellious, usually involving poop. This means that if I tell her she can’t go outside to play in the pool until she pees, and hold her to it even though she doesn’t want to pee (and even though this is SOP in our house as is peeing before going in the car or going to sleep) she’ll later crap in her swim pants…oops! (Yesterday’s scene.)

This is challenging to navigate, because while I think paying extra attention to her in her extra-needy times is kinda sweet, I have to be careful not to alienate her twin sister in any way. So it takes an enormous amount of energy—mostly emotional. I have to be “on” all the time.

I’ve been terrified during this time that sister would become affected by Ray’s potty issues. The Otter had recently come all the way to 100% trained—remaining dry overnight and graduating to undies at night—and felt like my “ace in the hole”. As long as she was doing so well, I could handle a lot more from Ray Ray. I mean, I’m half way done, right?

But then it happened. Audrey stopped wiping herself, demanding that I do it. Then she had a couple of pee accidents while napping, and then she stopped using her little potty in the middle of the night even if she was already awake. Even if I asked her to go. So she had an overnight “accident” in bed. I flipped out at first (I try not to, but it happens) then I pulled it together and told her she was stuck with undies and she could do it.

At night we split up the girls and coach them to near-sleep separately. I’m in charge of Audrey usually, and I’ve decided to use this time to really bond with her as it’s my only solo time with her all day. Just like her sister, when she feels very secure about her relationship with me, she tries really hard to do things that please me. So she was dry this morning. Sigh. Brow swipe.

Interestingly, even though she pooped her pants yesterday, Rachel was also dry this morning (she wears a pull-up at night). So it’s either minor progress or extreme dehydration. But it made for a nice start to the day, so I’ll enjoy the optimistic feeling for now. I never learn.

It’s been 8 months since our potty training start, by the way. I’ll just let that sink in.

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Potty Training Twins, Part Who Cares? I Mean Really, When Will It End?

Audrey swears this guy is wearing a diaper. See? I'm not the only one obsessed.

Audrey swears this guy is wearing a diaper. See? I’m not the only one obsessed.

I know. Listen, nobody is more sick of my singular potty focus than me, trust me. But I must regale you with more torturous accounts of my pain. Because I’ve got little else. Singular. Focus.

For most of December we had  far fewer issues, and life got a less hectic. Then Audrey developed some kind of fear of pooping on the potty.  After being my potty champion—even using the loud and scary public restrooms on the road (with seat covers and our own sanitized chair insert of course)—suddenly back at home she stopped pooping in the potty. Those were weird and terrible times. I had to hug her while she pooped a few times. Once, I turned my attention away from Audrey on the big potty to read a few pages of a book to Rachel on the little potty. Audrey hopped off and came over for a hug, which she often does before going back up onto the big potty. This time instead she um…evacuated on my leg. Yep. I started to figure out she was using me as some kind of security blanket (among other things.) I coached her most every night to get over the fear of pooping on the potty and/or alone. Then, we had to travel again. (Cue ominous music.)

Actually, Christmas was problem-free at the Great Grandparents’, which was really a good thing. But this gave me a false sense of security. Again. When will I learn?

When the holidays were over and we were back home, the girls started having accidents. Pee accidents, which was strange. We started cueing them again every couple of hours and the accidents stopped after a couple of days. Since then it’s been mostly great except: they almost never poop in the potty. They are withholding it again. Every day. So the pees are fine…Audrey especially is a champ with pees, telling me right away and hiking it to the bathroom to go. And Rachel will go when asked. But poop? They only go in the training pants they wear to sleep, or when they can no longer hold out, and then they put up a real fight.

The last couple of days, Rachel has had numerous poop accidents. She tells me she has to go but then refuses to sit on a potty. She ends up pooping in her pants. One time Audrey cut in front of her at the potty (happens a lot) but Rachel was too late anyway. She was standing in front of it bent in half. More poop in the pants. The washer is constantly running.

But today she really surprised me. She had to go, but I tried to let her take charge because, well…she won’t go if I try to persuade her. She would go into the bathroom, then back into her room to play with her sister. Eventually I heard the dreaded cries, “poo poo!” She had crawled into her travel/sleep tent and let it go in there! Ugh.

Darling Rachel is going back to pants-free living here at home for awhile, so she can hopefully get a grasp of the basics over again. And I am eliminating training pants for both girls at nap time too. When I did this before the girls often stayed dry, but I slid back into using them daily and the girls have started actually using them too much.

It’s amazing how much energy this has taken. I know that I missed our magic window, and along with other reasons, that’s why it’s been such a challenge. But I never thought I’d be halfway into our third month and having this many problems. Hopefully we’re about to turn a corner. Anyway, it’s still better to be here than before the beginning, you know?

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Crazy Morning

flowersThe other morning, at 9ish, Audrey came in to wake me after hubby finally heard them and got them up. I raced outside with 4 big donation bags for Disabled American Vets because they were coming through the neighborhood today. When Brian left for inspections about 40 minutes later, the bags were gone—except for the books—and there was no receipt on the door, which could only mean one thing: the tweakers nabbed our donation! Alfonso, our sweet neighbor confirmed that someone from “the tweak house”—the house across the street and to the left— lurched over and snaked ’em. This had me inordinately depressed because I had dug semi-deep for xmas—including lots of toys—and now I could only assume they’ll mostly get thrown out.

A little while later I was in bathroom for literally one minute and when I came out the girls were on the rolling cart in the kitchen, reaching over the cutout in the wall. I took them down, then discovered they had completely crumpled up and torn one of their favorite books. When I looked up from the book I realized they had—from the rolling cart—hurled my lovely Xmas bouquet onto the carpet in the living room. This mama’s head was simmering pretty good now. I locked them in their sleep tents to clean up without interference.

No more than 30 seconds had passed before I heard Ray Ray yelling “Poo poo!” I rushed in to find she had made a softball-sized crapload in her pants. I got THAT half cleaned up—the flowers and water would have to wait—when there was a knock on the door. I answered in a flurry expecting UPS, instead finding a young man bearing holiday gifties from a vendor of our termite business! I apologized for my appearance and attitude (not mentioning the poopy smell surely emanating from me) and collected huge vats of goodies from him.

I spent the next couple hours after girls went down for naps rapid-firing Danish butter cookies into my maw while trying to tackle some accounting. I will be sharing them with family next week, after I expand my waistline an inch!

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Darling Rachel Receives Special Award

More for the Potty Training Trials file: Rachel has earned the weirdest place to have an accident award.

Last night, I heard her yelling about poo poo, which makes me move fast. I walked into the girls’ bedroom to see Rachel on hands and knees on her dresser, in a puddle of chunky vileness.

She was smart enough to avoid trying to climb down, as she probably would have slipped and gotten hurt.

Surprisingly I don’t run for the camera in these moments, but I did create this nifty illustration to give you the gist of the situation. Yes, she was wearing shorts.

I omitted the chunks in my illustration.

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Potty Training Twins, Part 4 of ?

The girls had a great time visiting family. Here they cuddle up with “Uncle”.

Our annual Thanksgiving trip came in the middle of our potty training. It was supposed to be mostly in the bag (!) by then, but it’s taking my girls a little longer than average, as the previous posts describe.

We were in decent shape with the training before we left for our 500 mile drive to Southern California, even with the um…runny problems. In fact, they had to go so often in the days previous to our trip that they got some really good practice, and seemed to pretty much have the hang of taking themselves to the potty.

But then we had to pack them up in the minivan (with piles of cleaning supplies and baggies and whatnot). We left them pantsless, sheepskins and cloth diapers laid underneath them in the car seats. Apparently this felt too snuggly for them—maybe like a diaper—because there were at least a thousand accidents on the way down, and really gory ones at that. I was cleaning poop and rotating sheepskins nonstop. We put pants on them for our lunch stop and they both stayed clean and dry for the meal (whew!). All told, we only coaxed a couple of successes out of them during the trip…but one was an enormous poop from Rachel! But we showed up in San Diego with a huge bag of revolting laundry (did I mention that Rachel inexplicably threw up her breakfast about 5 miles from home?)

During the week-long visit with family, the girls learned a little bit more about wearing undies and pushing them down to potty. But as expected with this change in the program, they had many accidents. We had one totally accident-free day after Thanksgiving, though. On that day, we successfully reminded/coerced them every hour or so to stop playing and go potty.

The ride home was terrible though. Early in the day, I coaxed each of them to poop on their potties, and was hoping they were done with poops for the day. But for some unknown reason, they had diarrhea again and there were tons of accidents and so much obvious discomfort. Rachel had an especially bad bout and her butt got rashy right away. I ended up putting pull-ups on them for the second half of the 10-hour ride, although I changed them promptly when they pooped in ’em, and once Rachel asked to be put on the potty to go, which was really cool, as it must’ve been hard for her to time right. The pull-ups were handy for this, although in general I’m not planning to use them much.

So we made it home with more gory laundry and an exhausted mama. Today I am trying to get them on track while wearing pants. Audrey’s had four accidents (two in her pants—ew!) but a couple of pees in the potty. Rachel was holding everything until I made her try to poop before nap and she got a little done. I can’t believe they are sick again! I’ve emailed the doc to see if the diarrhea is something they need to be seen for, or if it’s just some strange side effect of potty training.

I’m pretty tired of cleaning poop, I’ll tell ya.

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Potty Training Twins, Part 3 of ?

Tandem lock in. Not the easiest thing for Mama to manage.

We are finally getting it (she said, cautiously).

Today, there has been one (gruesome) accident by Rachel, but after a lecture and putting Panda Man on a high shelf “until she made it to the potty successfully,” she had two minor “hits” on the potty. The thing is, she’s got the runs today. Ahem. Fun stuff. But no way was I putting on a diaper after yesterday!

Yesterday I made sure both girls were full up with milk and ready to go before I started a lock-in with them. Audrey, who napped for two hours bare-bottomed and stayed dry (that’s my girl!) before drinking a cup of milk was sure to be bursting at the seams, and Rachel had had roughly 14 oz of milk in the last hour before her sister got up. Ready Freddy! Right?

Lock in commenced. Lots of playing, which I allowed for a few minutes but then got more serious. “Girls, we just have to go potty before we can go outside and play, ok?” Playing, stalling, more playing, reading volumes and not going…

After 45 minutes (didn’t expect that much delay), Audrey got the job done and got to go out and watch Sesame Street until Rachel was done. Rachel resented the departure of her sister but would not let it sway her to cooperation. She dug in her heels and would not go. Keep in mind she did it earlier in the day and also the day before. I sensed it was stubbornness and after a little bit I had an inkling that this one would be a record breaking holdout. Previous record: 1.5 hours.

I remained the very picture of a calm, supportive mama. I mean I was channeling some zen master…nothing but smiles and encouragement and empathy. For three hours. That’s right. Three hours. (Do they make trophies with a potty on them? Maybe a crying toddler on the floor next to it?)

Actually, I was starting to really doubt myself. Especially because she looked like she was really trying to go a couple of times and then couldn’t, bursting into tears. The thing was, she had done it under the same circumstances earlier and the day before. So I didn’t totally believe it was a new performance anxiety, but she had me second guessing myself. (“I read their sphincter can refuse to open if they aren’t feeling safe…but I know I am providing absolute emotional warmth and safety…”)

I really could not give in, especially the longer it took! If I had, the lesson she’d get would be “If i wait long enough, mama will give in. And she’s waited as long as 2.5 hours, so I now know I must wait longer than that. I will do it because I really want/need to get my way and turn this whole ridiculous potty idea she’s got around.” (Yes, I know toddlers do not think this clearly, but they are very, very determined and expert at testing limits, so sans-words, this is what I think would be happening in her head, more or less.)

So my hands were tied unless I wanted a power struggle from hell on my hands every day. Eventually, she caved. It was dinner time when we emerged from the bathroom. We had gone in there after naps. Luckily, Dad came home before Sesame Street ended and watched over Audrey. Even though I couldn’t give in, Rachel had shaken my conviction in my lock-in method, and I decided during this time that the next day I’d have to change something.

This morning I told them both that I expected them to take themselves to the potty and that I didn’t think we’d have to do any lock-ins because I knew they knew what to do. (Ehh…heh.)

It worked! And guess what? Rachel is not afraid of the bathroom in the slightest, nor treating me any differently than before. She’s her lovely self. And she’s complying (mostly) with my requests to sit on the potty and try to go, even with the trots…and that’s a tough thing to have while learning!

Today I’ve had two potty successes with Rachel and two with Audrey. Audrey’s moving right along…taking herself in there now. She’s very happy to be in charge of this. This mama’s bursting with pride, even knowing the rug could be ripped out from under me any second.

Two more days until traveling. Seems soon. But I remain cautiously optimistic.

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Potty Training Twins, Part 2 of ?

Potty training with the girls. Rachel (r) is on the potty here and Audrey gives her a kiss.

How did the girls get this old (almost 2.5), given how I feel about potty training, you wonder? For one thing, everybody knows (and logic dictates) you need more than one person for at least a few days to start potty training twins, but I’d never managed to hook that up in spite of trying. So I’ve gritted my teeth and made several ernest attempts to train them on my own, knowing it would be really hard. And I’d end up so frustrated I thought I’d blow a fuse.

Almost every single time, I’d get an opportunity to teach one girl only to be thwarted by the other. Example: I see that Audrey’s peeing…I move her quickly to the potty and start to tell her that she’s doing great, etc., but suddenly Rachel is pushing Audrey off the potty. Mama wrestles Rachel aside and tells her she needs 2 minutes with Audrey. Now Rachel is climbing on my head. Really. All the time it was like that. It made my head want to explode.

One summer morning we were playing in the backyard when I spotted Rachel starting to poop. I raced over there to catch most of it in a potty and sit her down to encourage her. Dad walked out just in time to see Audrey dunking my abandoned iPhone in my coffee. Less than 10 seconds had passed.

But NOW how are we doing? Well, Thanksgiving is approaching fast and I’m trying not to be discouraged. One day we will be done with this, but oh man! it’s hard to contemplate the holidays at various relatives’ homes if our progress continues to be this slow! Although I know Grandma will be happy and excited to help, which makes me feel better.

First off, here is the best advice I’ve found on potty training: This eBook is $15: oh crap. potty training by Jamie Glowacki. It’s no-nonsense, dispel-the-myths advice, and it’s lengthy (for those of us that are potty-obsessed) covering every scenario the author can think of after training hundreds of kids. This book was brought to my attention by a blogger friend at eliminationcommunication.wordpress.com.

I loved the eBook, and read the whole thing. Jamie’s philosophy matches mine very well. She helped me to see that I caused a casual attitude about the potty in my girls, because of my lack of consistency. Sure it makes sense now!

So aaaanyway, as much as I love the book, I have some pretty big stubbornness with which to contend here. After a week or so, I started what I call “lock-ins”. To get them to stop using the potties as reading chairs and know that I mean for them to GET THIS, I have been locking them in the bathroom with me—sometimes together and sometimes alone—and while I remain supportive and positive, I try to maintain an attitude of sort of bored distraction to give them a feeling of psuedo-privacy to help them relax.

When they are together in the bathroom, they play a lot, so it’s pretty hard. I actually stop them from playing with the paper roll and the toilet seat, and I’ve moved most everything else out of their reach. I remind them that they can go back to playing or watching Elmo after they sit and pee, but otherwise I talk little. They really resist, and I’m not surprised anymore, given the fact that in the past I’ve “caved” and put diapers back on them after a few days or weeks (oh yeah). But not this time! I’ve been really consistent, and pretty stubborn myself (is that where Ray got it?) I’ve sat in the bathroom with one of them for as long as an hour and a half (guess who?) and was prepared to stay even longer if needed!

I know they have to go when I put them in there. In that way, I set us up for success whenever I do a lock-in. Usually one or both have been dancing around, or in Rachel’s case even leaking before I attempt a lock-in. Amazing how they can still hold out for so long! Also I only do about 2 of those a day also, so that I’m not pushing them way over the edge of rebellion. I’m still waiting for them to self-initiate.

Today’s lock in was with both girls, and I told them I’d love to watch Mickey Mouse with them, but I’d have to make sure they peed first. Audrey actually didn’t complain today, just played a little bit, then hopped up on the big potty and peed. Only took about 15 minutes! I parked her on the couch with Mickey and went back to Rachel.

Rachel’s always been more stubborn, but she’s also more verbal. She whined and cried, hugging me endlessly, but eventually climbed up on the big potty and peed. She took about 30 minutes, which is less than half her usual. I feel cautiously optimistic.

Late update: About an hour and a half after the lock-in, Audrey went in to the bathroom and was playing with the big toilet. I checked on her a couple times. She had closed the lid to the big toilet, so couldn’t access the little insert seat. Eventually I heard tinkling on the floor. I sped in there and moved her to the little potty, where she finished, then I had her help clean up the mess. I actually think that this was her trying to self-initiate, and I’m pretty excited. I think she wanted to use the big potty but had already closed the lid, and it locks shut. At least she was in the bathroom! Wish me luck.

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Potty Training Twins, Part 1 of ?

Beautiful two-year-olds.

The girls are two years and 5 months. Already. I started this twin journey with intentions to potty train (PT) on the early side. In fact, I had been interested in EC’ing until I found out I was having twins, and then I decided I’d go it more traditionally, but I swore I’d tackle it sooner than most of my contemporaries, out of respect for the kids and a strong belief in instilling confidence. I had high hopes that the girls would be PT’d by age 2, which I thought would be ideal, as I believed they’d be more “helpful” and less oppositional before that age. (See this previous post for my early thoughts on the current trends in potty training and EC.)

I’m still in the middle of it, but I believe now that my intuition was right on all counts, but things got hectic, and I actually let go of some of that intuition in favor of some of the modern wives tales, because I wanted them to be true. Examples: “If it’s not going well, take a break for awhile.” “They’ll do it when they’re ready.” (I have no one to blame but myself for adopting this BS. *FLOG* See my own previous blog post! I knew better! *FLOG*)

And now, the excuses. One problem is that I’m a huge over-acheiver as a SAHM (stay-at-home-mom). I used to happily work for myself—which means of course that I was salesperson, designer, production artist, bookkeeper, planner, time and task manager, etc., all at the same time. And I loved the enforced organization it required. I love getting way more done, and done well, than expected. So that’s the type of mama I am too: I keep myself very busy, fitting in the craziest things between childcare and housekeeping. I was sanding and painting the exterior of my home (many times over…don’t ask!) during nap time for half of their entire infanthood and past their second birthday, which was no small intrusion into my plans to potty train! But I did feel it had to be done. (Our house looked haunted when we bought it, and two sides of it are still in less-than-ideal shape. Don’t get me started.)

I have learned over these two years to cook most anything I’ve ever wanted to—Indian favorites, graham crackers, every style of bread—as a sort of homemaker hobby, but mostly because I highly value being able to identify every ingredient and procedure in my family’s food. This of course is quite time consuming.

And then there are the two blogs (this one is for my sanity and enjoyment), the journals I keep for the girls, the research into schooling options and other things kid-related, and some hours each month pitching in with my husband’s business.

As far as packing my schedule, I got to feel very accomplished, but I shot myself in the foot. I kept myself way too busy. Even at times working late into the night and robbing myself of the already-hard-to-grab sleep of a new mama. But somehow—and this is just hubris—I really thought I could still manage the big stuff like potty training at the same time. Even though I was approaching it as a part time gig. Hmm.

Complicating matters—and this is a big one—I have a friend who has one of those magical toddlers (and take my word for it—this is by all accounts extremely rare) who decided to train herself, pretty much. Then her twin sister seemed to go along for the ride because of the stellar example set for her. Easy peasy, right? Yeah, it really is awesome. For that mama. Over here, I was in awe. And witnessing this genius child, I allowed myself to believe in magic (fueled by some bogus current thought trends): “Maybe my kids will just do it themselves when they are ready too. I mean they’ve gotten lots of exposure. It’s gonna click soon!” I had a sneaking suspicion I was fooling myself, but “Oh!  How convenient it would be…and I’ve got so much to DO before their birthday!” You can hardly blame me.

Meanwhile, I was making regular “attempts” at training (or “learning”—whatever floats your boat) but I didn’t realize I was making things worse by approaching it casually and intermittently. The girls would be bare-bottomed at home (with me trying to catch every pee or poo) but when we’d go out for groceries or play dates, I’d slap their diapers on. So now they take the whole thing very casually too, as in, “It must not be super important, because when it is important, mama puts a diaper on us. So if we wait or protest enough, she’ll give up and give us our comfy diaper.”  (Yep. I did.)

The worst thing is that I wasted tons of my own effort. I was putting a huge amount of energy in when I’d have them “training” here, but I really wasn’t doing it consistently enough to get good results. ‘Cuz I kinda thought it would just click for them one day and they’d take over. Silly mama!

I was ignorant of a couple of key points, which now seem like no-brainers.

Here’s one: Don’t put the potty out for them to “get used to” unless you are going to be actively training. My kids think their potties are reading chairs. I started teaching them about the chairs, very gently, when they were 16 months (picture on that previous post). It was cute and they were sweetly compliant with sitting on it. I brought the girls to the bathroom with me and they showed interest, even making the psst psst sound I’d vocalized to act as a cue for them whenever I’d go. Rachel would run to the door and make that noise—she was clearly into learning more. The thought fills me with woe. If only I’d known that my instincts about their nature at that phase were right and that the compliant desire-to-please attitude they exhibited indicated it was a perfect PERFECT time to spend a week or two being firm and consistent with it, I may have nailed it then.

Another: Don’t buy in to the freaky thought (another currently touted theory) that you can’t be negative in any way when dealing with potty training. The new “experts” advise that you’ll turn your kids off to the whole issue if you display any negativity. This is crap. It makes no sense. Now I’m back to being myself—showing my obvious disappointment when they don’t do what I expect, whether it’s with potty training (peeing on the floor) or anything else (throwing blocks, spitting milk). See? Why would you walk on eggshells with just one issue? What are the kids supposed to think about that? Likely your timidity will make them think you’re scared and confused. I was! Why didn’t I go ahead and overthink this stuff too, like I do everything else? Oh, right! I was too dang busy! *FLOG* Silly mama. 🙂

Clearly, I had the right idea in the beginning, I just believed, erroneously, that it would be more effortless. Effortless! What was I thinking? Why would it require no effort from me? That’s just weird. That is, if you disregard all my great excuses.

Much more to come, including ridiculous stories that make it clear why it sucks to train two at once.

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Potty Training Thoughts

The overwhelmingly pervasive advice these days is that you should wait for your kids to “be ready” to potty-train. Among other signs, the “experts” say to wait until the baby can hold her urine a while (you find dry diapers sometimes) and talk all about potty concerns—use the words of potty training—and they cite that “most” kids will train around age 3. Three! Okay, as a mom of kids who are almost 2 I can now actually imagine that…but do I want to wait that long? No way.

Let’s give the kids a little credit, shall we? Most kids of my generation seem to have been trained much closer to age 2. There were jokes about causing “anal retentive personalities” (a Freud theory about the results of negative toilet-training tactics) but in reality, it seems these parents mostly did a great job and didn’t have any more problems than modern folks. In previous centuries, most kids were trained around age 1 and some even earlier, although the trend in some periods was definitely coercive, and that’s not okay.

I may be wrong, but the new advice sort of reeks of diaper industry influence. And I don’t just mean that parents have the luxury of waiting now because of modern disposables (which they do and that’s not bad) but that the diaper makers don’t want us to stop diapering. They make diapers in larger sizes than ever before. Pampers Cruisers come in a size 7, for children 41 lbs. and over. Doesn’t that seem…shocking?

Honestly, America is confusing. There is still a lot of pressure on women who breastfeed to keep it out of sight, and if you breastfeed your baby past age 1 the judgments and criticism start to get very intense (sigh), but diapering up to age 4 is becoming acceptable! A child of 4 can do so many things. There is absolutely no reason he can’t take himself to the bathroom, and really, you owe it to your kid to let him try.

I know…here’s my own judgmental self coming out. But listen, here is what I really think. A child deserves to learn this skill and hygienic responsibility. They can learn it, given a lot of positive parental attention, and that is where the problem often lies, I think—parents don’t want to take the time to do many of the tasks of parenting.

Think about it. We teach our child to feed himself as soon as possible, and even dress himself pretty much as soon as he can give it a go, so why not the same with potty training? Just try it now and then, using positive techniques and a relaxed, fun attitude, and see when the kid picks it up.

I have to admit, there may not be much real harm in waiting until the kid asks you to train him (really…this has been advised!) but why not give them a vote of confidence by showing you believe that they can do this, as they do so many other things? Wouldn’t it create an atmosphere of faith in the child’s abilities? Of confidence in them as individuals? And wouldn’t that translate into good self-esteem for the child?

Now, if it were to fail, of course I wouldn’t advocate pushing. I guess I just I think giving the child the opportunity to help himself in this way is really important. Not to mention, a two-year-old is a lot less stubborn than a three-year-old, I’m told. 😉

Girls loved to sit on the potties at 16 months. Just for fun.

If you’re wondering where we are on potty training, it’s a short story. When I was pregnant, I planned to try Elimination Communication, but then found out I was having two and so we diapered. I introduced potties to the girls and showed them how to sit on them when they were about 10 months old I think. They thought it was fun. Over the next few months, I had a few “naked” mornings where I let them run around and when they’d start to pee, I’d put them on a potty and excitedly tell them they were going “pssst psst!” Well, they love to make the noise, and they associate it with the potty chair for sure, but they were confused when I’d sweep them up and put them on the potty, and their “psst psst” was already completed anyway. Audrey was annoyed that I’d interrupted her playing, even. But Rachel was more intrigued, albeit a bit lost as to what I was doing.

Now they are 21 months and I’ve only still done a few mornings like this, but I’m about to step it up with Rachel. I admit, my hesitation to present more opportunities in the past year has been that I have always wanted to train them both at the same time, but I’m going to do away with that notion for now, if only to save my own sanity. Rachel hates having her diaper changed. Also, she loves to see me pee, and says “psst psst” when I do. Good opportunity to re-introduce, I think. She’s not a huge talker yet, only knows a few words, but I disagree with this “requirement” wholeheartedly. She deserves the chance to try.

If this round of gentle teachings fails, then I will accept that and try again in a few weeks. Lather, rinse, repeat. And then Audrey. Unless she shows interest first, due to not wanting to be left out (a distinct possibility). But I’m committed to making myself available to her for these lessons.

I don’t know yet whether I should try pull-ups, regular old-fashioned training pants, underwear, or none of the above. I’d love to hear stories and suggestions. Got any thoughts about all this?

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All-Purpose Cleaning Spray

Today I ran out of my all-purpose cleaner, which by the way is the new trend in cleaning products, allegedly: reduce the number of products you buy to clean your house down to just a few, if not one (as if we needed trendy to make this happen). This makes finding a good all-purpose cleaner that also does glass a top priority, because it will clean most everything in your house but the laundry and the dishes (and it might do those too, I haven’t tried).

Kiwi magazine did a survey of 1000 readers of their top “green” cleaners, and I was pleased to find that those GreenWorks products by Clorox really are “green”— I had my doubts. On closer inspection, it seems the Sierra Club likes them too—their logo is on the bottle. The reason this is cool is that they are in every store, so buying green cleaning spray is officially accessible now. And it does work very well, I might add.

That said, my favorite cleaner is BabyGanics—both the all-purpose and the glass cleaner (Why are they separate though? Just buy the glass cleaner and use it for everything.) I love it because the lavender scent is super yummy, and the 4 chamber sprayer is, like, awesome! Sprays a good volume in one spritz and gets the job done.

But today, I’m out of my cleaner. So I made my own. And I thought I’d share my recipe:

2 tablespoon Dr. Bronner’s magic soap: lavender castille soap
1/2 teaspoon glycerin (there is also vegetable glycerin)
1 tablespoon rubbing alcohol
1-1/2 cups water
12 extra drops lavender essential oil (optional)

I just gave it a try on the babies’ mirror—a  good test as it’s a baby-height mirror in the play area of the living room, covered in baby fingerprints and snot (oh yeah!) It worked great. I figure glass is the ultimate test.

By the way, I use Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soap for lots of stuff—there is a huge pump bottle of diluted (~ 4:1) Dr. Bronner’s in the shower, which is our body soap. I use it for hand soap, and as backup dish soap too. It comes in other scents, of course, peppermint being the most popular. It’s fully biodegradable so you can use it camping, and super concentrated, so a big bottle will last you many months.

Note 9 months later: In the above recipe, the glycerin helps to keep the alcohol mixed into the water solution. Some people don’t like using rubbing alcohol, which is fine. I make it more often now with vinegar (although I use up to a half cup). But the alcohol mixture above works much better on glass!

Current recipe:

2 tablespoons Dr. Bronner’s
2 teaspoons washing soda
1 teaspoon baking soda
Fill rest of spray bottle with hot tap water, then add:
1/2 cup vinegar (add slowly to avoid froth-over)
10-12 drops lavender essential oil (I just love this stuff!)

I’ve been loving this recipe lately because I’m cleaning a lot more bodily fluids off of things (I know! Ew! Potty training is grand.) and the high vinegar content makes me secure with the disinfectant qualities of the spray. Borax has disinfectant properties too, but the store was out. (I was surprised too.) If I have it, I add a tablespoon or so.

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